We as parents want to inspire and influence our kids. We instinctively want them to be the best Them that they can be. We might have some ideas of what we want them to do, and how we want them to do it. But, in the end, this will ultimately get in the way of their self-motivation.
After the turmoil of the Second World War, my family ended up in Russian-occupied East Germany. When I attended fourth grade, I had to learn Russian as my first foreign language in school. I found this quite difficult because of the Cyrillic alphabet, but as time went on I seemed to do all right.When I turned 11, we had to leave East Germany overnight because of the political orientation of my father. Now I was going to school in West Germany, which was American-occupied at that time. There in school all children were required to learn English. To learn Russian had been difficult, but English was impossible for me. I thought my mouth was not made for speaking English. My teachers struggled. My parents suffered. And I knew English was definitely not my language.But then something changed in my young life. Almost daily I rode my bicycle to the airport and watched airplanes take off and land. I read, studied, and learned everything I could find about aviation. It was my greatest desire to become a pilot. I could already picture myself in the cockpit of an airliner or in a military fighter plane. I felt deep in my heart that this was my thing!Then I learned that to become a pilot I needed to speak English. Overnight, to the total surprise of everybody, it appeared as if my mouth had changed. I was able to learn English. It still took a lot of work, persistence, and patience, but I was able to learn English!Why? Because of a righteous and strong motive!
President Uchtdorf saw a desire to learn about something he enjoyed. And he learned as much as he could about it. Then, to take the next step in becoming who he wanted to be, he learned even more! This is a case of self-motivating!
I think a great way to start motivating others to be motivated is to be an example of doing something that inspires you. You want to learn a new hobby, lose some weight, read your scriptures every day, learn how to yodel?...then do it! Your children will see you aspiring to do bigger and better things, and they will want to follow suit, and do the same. And even better, you can show them how (or how NOT to) accomplish your dreams, goals, and aspirations. They may even ask you for your advice!!!
So, how do we inspire our kids to motivate themselves?
President Uchtdorf told a story about how he was motivated to make a change:After the turmoil of the Second World War, my family ended up in Russian-occupied East Germany. When I attended fourth grade, I had to learn Russian as my first foreign language in school. I found this quite difficult because of the Cyrillic alphabet, but as time went on I seemed to do all right.When I turned 11, we had to leave East Germany overnight because of the political orientation of my father. Now I was going to school in West Germany, which was American-occupied at that time. There in school all children were required to learn English. To learn Russian had been difficult, but English was impossible for me. I thought my mouth was not made for speaking English. My teachers struggled. My parents suffered. And I knew English was definitely not my language.But then something changed in my young life. Almost daily I rode my bicycle to the airport and watched airplanes take off and land. I read, studied, and learned everything I could find about aviation. It was my greatest desire to become a pilot. I could already picture myself in the cockpit of an airliner or in a military fighter plane. I felt deep in my heart that this was my thing!Then I learned that to become a pilot I needed to speak English. Overnight, to the total surprise of everybody, it appeared as if my mouth had changed. I was able to learn English. It still took a lot of work, persistence, and patience, but I was able to learn English!Why? Because of a righteous and strong motive!
President Uchtdorf saw a desire to learn about something he enjoyed. And he learned as much as he could about it. Then, to take the next step in becoming who he wanted to be, he learned even more! This is a case of self-motivating!
I think a great way to start motivating others to be motivated is to be an example of doing something that inspires you. You want to learn a new hobby, lose some weight, read your scriptures every day, learn how to yodel?...then do it! Your children will see you aspiring to do bigger and better things, and they will want to follow suit, and do the same. And even better, you can show them how (or how NOT to) accomplish your dreams, goals, and aspirations. They may even ask you for your advice!!!
Let your children try, and let them fail.
This is so hard to do. Watching your child fail can make you feel angry, scared, helpless, or downright sad. But, this is where you child can find opportunity to learn an important lesson. They can learn what the natural consequences are to their actions, and can learn from them in positive ways. They can learn total responsibility for their decisions. If they get a failing grade, they can gauge how they are doing, and how to fix the problem responsibly. They can also learn coping skills in how their actions and decisions make them feel, and possibly those around them as well.
All of this doesn't mean to take on the permissive parent role, or just letting them go do whatever they want. It just means that they can make their own choices where it is applicable. You can also let them know that you are aware of the decision that they have made, and let them know they are responsible for that decision.
Incentives IF-THEN
I am a believer in incentives. Incentives are different than bribes. Incentives happen before a behavior or event, and it involves an agreement. An example of this would be: If you do your homework, you can watch TV after dinner. Or: If you are quiet and stay close while we are in the library, we can go get an ice cream afterwards.
A bribe is something that happens in the middle of a situation in order to make something stop.
While bribes teach children that they can misbehave in order to get what they want, incentives teach reaching a goal, and being rewarded for their effort.
I asked my kids what motivates them when they need to do something hard. My 10-year-old responded with, "Prizes!" Whether we are a child, or an adult, we all like to be rewarded for our efforts, whether they are successful or not.
Praise
Who isn't affected by praise? The answer is no one. We all react to praise.
How should we praise?
Praise the effort, the skill, the persistence, or the thought involved in the act.
Use sincere and direct comments, and show your interest in their process.
Keep focused, and be honest with the efforts, and the outcomes.
Kids will start realizing their strengths, and then they will have a higher self-worth, and faith in their own abilities.
How many times have you heard someone say, "They have so much potential!"
Realizing in our own potential can help us reach our dreams!
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